Food & Drink

Never Thought I Could Truly Hate an Ice Cube (or Sphere) Until Now


Now I know how Eazy E felt after hearing “No Vaseline.”

Dean & DeLuca

As if paying $75 for ten lumps of frozen H2O (5 cubes and 5 speheres) isn’t enough, tell me the description doesn’t make you want to punch the people responsible right in their presumably stupid faces:

Gl?ce Luxury Ice is a meticulously designed and differentiated ice brand specifically designed for use in premium drinks and cocktails. The Gl?ce Mariko Sphere is a perfectly spherical 2.5″ piece with a melting rate of 20-30 minutes. The Gl?ce G-Cubed, a symmetrical 2.5″ cube has a dilution rate of 20-40 minutes. Gl?ce Ice pieces are individually carved from a 300lb block to ensure flawless quality and a zero-taste profile, never contaminating the essence of premium liquors and drinks.

So what’s the melting rate and dilution rate of regular ice? YOU DON’T KNOW. Because nobody ever looks at the “statistics” of ice cubes when buying them.

Getting idiots to pay a buck or so for water in bottles that’s less clean than the stuff in the faucet was a genius move. Asking $75? Pure balls. I admire even as I totally hate.

h/t Alonso Duralde